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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24331546">Too Gay To Care (Even About Viral Bronchitis)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwistedToxic/pseuds/TwistedToxic'>TwistedToxic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Dumbass Husbands, Fluff, Humor, I was originally going to make this not shippy, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Lian is just 16 for some reason, M/M, Roy and Jason are gay and useless, Roy is A Dumbass, Sex is mentioned, Sexual Humor, Sick Jason Todd, Sickfic, This fic is gay, but it kinda just, but jason loves him, but not actually there, even when Roy absolutely should NOT be, it's pretty brief, not for any nasty reasons</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:15:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,771</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24331546</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwistedToxic/pseuds/TwistedToxic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jason never got winded. Never. It was benefits of the Pit. So, why was he having a hard time with a simple chase? His breath stuttered and he was gasping and choking. He could see Nightwing coming closer to him. Dick landed silently in front of him, feeling for the release mechanism on his helmet. Jason tried to mutter something about not compromising their identities, but Dick wasn't having it. Dick put a finger to his comm, before talking into it. "I'm taking Hood to the cave and calling Dr. Thompkins."</p><p>"Let me guess, Hood thought it was a cold?" Tim's voice came in. Jason looked at Dick with a sheepish grin.</p><p>"You're a disaster, you know, Hood?" Dick sighed, before Jason looked at him.</p><p>"We're all gay and we're disasters. It's what we have in common, Pretty Bird."</p><p>Jason ends up sick and his husband is a dumbass who still insists on kissing him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Roy Harper/Jason Todd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>154</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Too Gay To Care (Even About Viral Bronchitis)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My dad got kinda shitty about me merely mentioning the bi pride flag in one of my other fics, so now, to ensure he doesn't try to stalk my account and to get back at him, I'm gonna make my next few fics as gay and JayRoy-ish as possible. So, lo and behold, gay!</p><p>I was going to write this earlier, but I kind of had a bad night (I'm fine now though!), so I'm gonna try and get two done today? Can't promise it, though.</p><p>I am also slowly adding fandoms on my works, since even the two were really overwhelming at first. Let's hope I don't die, haha.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jason thought nothing of it, at first. Both Tim and Dick noticed it, and they both told him it would only get worse. He didn't listen. Whether it be the fact he was a stubborn asshole or that he was somewhat pissed at them, He didn't know, but it was most likely a combination of the two. At least Tim wouldn't come into contact with him, so that was a plus. He thought he was getting better, honestly.</p><p> </p><p>No, No he wasn't. His body was still trash, Lazarus Pit be damned. Jason let out a groan as he woke up. Roy laid next to him, the blanket covering anything any prying eyes might see. He shifted, his fire red locks soon were dangling in his face as Roy rolled on top of him. Their wedding rings glimmered in the morning sun while Jason put his other hand on his husband's pale chest. His eyes widened.</p><p> </p><p>"No, not that way, Roy." His voice sounded much more congested. "I think I'm getting sick." Roy raised his brows, before his lips stretched into a grin, leaning in and pecking Jason on the lips.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, your grossness is mine, so suck it up."</p><p> </p><p>"I can think of something <em>else</em> I can-" Roy delivered a halfhearted hit to Jason's chest.</p><p> </p><p>"Not until later." Jason rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>"You're so gay, Roy."</p><p> </p><p>"Jason, we've been married for three years. If you're just <em>now</em> figuring that out, boy, do I have some news for you." Jason snorted.</p><p> </p><p>"I never said I <em>wasn't</em> gay, though."</p><p> </p><p>"That's fair. Come on, babe, we need to shower and get dressed before Lian wakes up." He pecked Jason's lips again before offering Jason his hand.</p><p> </p><p>"Affection? Disgusting." Jason said as he took Roy's hand and got up.</p><p> </p><p>"You'd be a mess without me, Jaybird."</p><p> </p><p>"I'm a mess anyways, Roy."</p><hr/><p>After a - somewhat long - shower, to two made their way downstairs to see Lian in the kitchen, spoon in her mouth and phone in her hand. She looked in their direction and waved. "Hey dad."</p><p> </p><p>Jason and Roy looked at each other, Roy trying, trying so hard to resist the inevitable <em>'which one'</em> joke. Roy took a deep breath, but his stupid grin never left his face. He came over and ruffled Lian's hair. "Hey kiddo." She looked at him, a glare with no bite behind it.</p><p> </p><p>"Jason's the only dad I have. I'm too old to be called kiddo. I'm 16." Roy faked a look of offense.</p><p> </p><p>"I don't know, that sounds pretty homophobic to me." The only noise from Lian was the sound of her head <em>thunk-</em>ing against the counter. Her dads were absolute disasters. Jason shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>"You should apologize to your father." Jason wagged his finger like he was scolding her. Lian couldn't help but crack into a grin before bursting into a fit of giggles.</p><p> </p><p>"You do this every morning, how has it not gotten old?" They both shrug. Honestly, they didn't even know at this point. It felt like an unspoken code or a rite of passage into their day at this point. Jason coughed into his elbow. It sounded a bit wet, as opposed to his original cough. Roy looked at Jason in concern and put his hand on his back. He shot him an asking glance. Jason nodded.</p><p> </p><p>"I'll be fine, Roy. Red Hood won't be brought down by a cold." He said, looking at Lian. She looked like her mother, but she had her father's eyes and acted like him, down to wearing those lame trucker hats and being a disaster. Jason headed back upstairs for some cough medicine.</p><hr/><p>Jason never got winded. Never. It was benefits of the Pit. So, why was he having a hard time with a simple chase? His breath stuttered and he was gasping and choking. He could see Nightwing coming closer to him. Dick landed silently in front of him, feeling for the release mechanism on his helmet. Jason tried to mutter something about not compromising their identities, but Dick wasn't having it. Dick put a finger to his comm, before talking into it. "I'm taking Hood to the cave and calling Dr. Thompkins."</p><p> </p><p>"Let me guess, Hood thought it was a <em>cold</em>?" Tim's voice came in. Jason looked at Dick with a sheepish grin.</p><p> </p><p>"You're a disaster, you know, Hood?" Dick sighed, before Jason looked at him.</p><p> </p><p>"We're all gay and we're disasters. It's what we have in common, Pretty Bird."</p><p> </p><p>So apparently, Tim and Dick were right. That 'cold' turned out to be viral bronchitis. And the dawning realization he and Roy were kissing a few days ago hit him like a freight train. The last think he wanted was to deal with his husband when he was sick. The memories of taking care of him instantly flooded through his mind. He loved his man but Roy was one of <em>those</em> people. In tears while their nose ran and sobbed until breathing was near impossible. The plus side though, was that Roy practically clung to Jason like an octopus. Jason would never admit it, but he loved Roy clinging to him.</p><p> </p><p>"You didn't listen to us," Jason could feel Tim pinching the bridge of his nose even through the comm, "because of our argument?"</p><p> </p><p>"All you had to do was accept Robbie Rotten as out lord and savior." Dick sighed.</p><p> </p><p>"Little Wing, we can get into another fight over it when you feel better." Dick looked like he'd seen it all. The rise and fall of every civilization. Dick was truly <em>done</em>. His last fuck was gone on this subject matter. "Do you want me to stay?" He offered, looking at Jason seriously. If needed, he'd stay with him.</p><p> </p><p>"You'll get Tim and Damian sick, so, no." He'd call Roy anyways. Dick nodded, staying a few more minutes for good measure before he headed out to go back on patrol and kick some ass. He dialed Roy.</p><p> </p><p>"Babe, you're a fucking <em>idiot</em>."</p><hr/><p>Roy looked at Jason, who was reading, the silence broken every so often by his coughs. Roy kind of made him sanitize everything after he was done with it, so Lian wouldn't catch it too. Despite him still insisting on pecking his lips when they went to bed and when they woke up, Roy seemed to be immune to it. Jason thought it was because the virus would take pity on him for his lack of braincells. He snorted at that thought.</p><p> </p><p>He occasionally peered at his husband's latest feat: Solidifying light to make something similar to a handgun, but instead of bullets, it has a solar chamber which takes the light, and a mechanism that solidifies the light - hard light not unlike a Lantern's constructs, and by the time the last bullet is used, it's already recharged again and ready to go. Dick was due to come by soon, because while Dick disagreed with the gun part, he really liked working on the theory and how to reduce the size, but not the power, of the light converter. It was both entertaining, yet so weird to see them like that. Neither were <em>actually</em> stupid, Jason knew, especially not Dick, but they seemed to work so well together. Did they work as well as Speedy and the first Robin? Hell, Dick and Roy one time worked on a theory about instantaneous travel in the form of nothing but a mere <em>wristwatch</em>. Most of their science jargon went over his head aside from the chemical mechanics. He wasn't scientifically gifted as well as they were, but he could write a 40 page essay describing the works of Austen or Brontë, or a theory about the impact of soundtrack in a theatrical work. He looked at them when Dick came in, wearing a mask and gloves. No offense to Jason, since Tim had no spleen and the most minor thing could end up hospitalizing Tim. They began conversing on a theory, while Jason watched silently in awe. Damn right. That was his husband and his older brother, using their nerd brains. He went to 'grab a drink', leaving them in peace.</p><p> </p><p>It was well past 3AM when Roy and Dick finished their theory for the night, but by the sounds of it, they would be back at it in a few days. Roy took a shower, in the bathroom that was dark for some reason. He crept up from their bed to turn on one of the switches. "Roy! Are you <em>serious</em>?!" The lights, apparently in the entire house, were blown out. Lian had woken up, rubbing her eyes as she wandered to the bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>"My eyes safe?" She asked, before she heard the shower.</p><p> </p><p>"Ah, my disaster child, your father and uncle Dick are dumbasses. They ended up blowing the entire house's power!" He yelled in the bathroom's direction.</p><p> </p><p>"I fixed it! It'll be up in a few minutes! <em>Probably</em>." Jason groaned. Jason was right about to go to bed, and that was when the lights came back on. Jason groaned louder, shoving the pillow over his head. The faucet turned off, and Roy stepped out in nothing but a towel. The shift of the weight on the bed told him that Roy had joined him. "Hey..." He rubbed Jason's shoulder, and Jason couldn't stop the thankful noise even if he wanted to.</p><p> </p><p>"Roy, if you think you can seduce me while I have viral bronchitis, then I am turning my hearing aids right the fuck off."</p><p> </p><p>Roy laughed. "Then it'll sound like I'm whispering in your ear like I'm a demon tempting you to run away into the forest with me where no one will ever see us again."</p><p> </p><p>"First of all, oddly specific but okay, and second of all, moron-" Roy smacked his bicep. "When it sounds like everything is muted and people are whispering all the time, it's annoying as hell." Roy shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>"That's fair." He stole the pillow from Jason and pecked his lips while Jason let out a whine as if Roy had offended his greatest ancestors. "Goodnight, hon." Jason couldn't help the smile that came to his lips at the name. He smiled wider when he felt Roy wrapping his body around him, being fresh out of the shower be damned. How the <em>hell</em> did he get so lucky? He slept well that night.</p><p> </p><p>When Roy woke up in the morning with a cough, Jason couldn't hold back his laughter. He fucking <em>knew</em> it. His husband was such a dumbass. <em>At least he was his dumbass, though</em>, he thought while he went to the kitchen to prepare soup for Roy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Roy is the husband Jason deserves, thank you. These two traumatized idiots give me life. I hope you enjoyed this fic!</p><p>If you want me to change this to 'Mature', just let me know!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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